Ok, so it has been about six years since I dropped off the face of the earth. Not literally, just from this site. I am back, and you might notice my recipes and posts look different.
That is because my life is different.
Since 2020, I have lost over 180 pounds.
I know what you are thinking. Now I really want to punch her in the face. I get it. So let me give you the whole story.
By the time I was 12, I weighed 200 pounds. By high school, I was over 300. I am sharing my prom photo here. I was wearing a size 28 dress, which was honestly on the high end for me. A 24 was my normal.
While my friends were going to the mall and experimenting with style, I was shopping at stores meant for women decades older than me. If I was lucky, I could find one item in a trendier store, but nothing edgy, nothing expressive. Nothing that let a teenager figure out who she was.
It was soul crushing. And isolating.
Over the years, I tried everything. Every fad diet. Nutritionists. Gastric bypass worked while I was following the guidelines. I was thrilled to get down to a size 18. But when my dad got sick and passed away, I fell back into the same coping mechanisms. Eating. Drinking. Comfort at any cost.
My weight shaped my entire life, for better and worse. The physical pain. The mental pain. The shame. The confusion. To this day, I do not fully understand why the weight would not stay off, or why it always came back.
There is no magic solution in this story.
But one day, my friend Barb asked, for what felt like the millionth time in my life, if I wanted to try Weight Watchers. I had been on and off it since the 90s with the books and sliding scales. I had watched people reach lifetime who only needed to lose 20 pounds, while I needed to lose over 100. Still, I said yes.
This time was different. And it was not just one thing.
In 2019, after my second daughter was born, I avoided playing on the floor with her because I could not get up and down easily. Tummy time felt humiliating. I carried guilt and shame over something that should have been simple and joyful.
During Covid, something unexpected happened. The food noise quieted. I was not eating out. I controlled my environment. I always technically had control, but for the first time, it felt real.
Day by day, I learned what foods worked for my body and what did not. I used the tools. I built systems. And it worked.
I lost almost 100 pounds.
Then I plateaued.
I told myself I could do the rest on my own. That I could be accountable without support. The truth is, I was lying to myself. I was still struggling. By 2023, I had gained 30 pounds back.
That was my breaking point.
I decided those numbers were never coming back. I said Goodbye to them, they are not welcome here anymore!
Here is the part people do not talk about. The choice starts early. For me, it starts within the first hour of the day. The food noise is loud. It is still loud. I still fight it.
Getting on the scale daily is a choice. What I eat for breakfast is a choice. What I do next is a choice.
This is just leg number 876 of my journey. And I am not done yet.
I am going to keep updating you on how it’s going, always happy to talk more about it!
Thought of the day:
You can always get back on track. But what are you doing to get the train moving before it gets hit again?
